Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
