Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
