Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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