I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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