I've blown a few things in my day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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