I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Terrible idea I love it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
