I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
