I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
