Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
