two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize