Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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