Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
