Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
worst night to have a conscience
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
