remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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