New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
