I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
