There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
