oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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