put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
