Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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