She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
