My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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