when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
