She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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