You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
