nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
