And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize