She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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