Fine. I'll sleep in my office
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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