Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
