my mouth tastes like poor choices
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
