I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
