just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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