she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize