I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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