ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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