Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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