Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
