At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
