he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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