I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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