You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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