I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
