It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize