i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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