I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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