I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
