All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
