I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
