I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
