ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
