A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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