I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
