I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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