Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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