dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
