I wish i was in the wii world.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
