i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize