Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
