People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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