my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize