Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
