If i come over, it means nothing
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
