I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
