dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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