would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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