I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
