Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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