They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
