I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
