I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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