Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
