areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
