Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
