I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
