So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's official drugs can't kill me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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