So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
PANTIES FOUND
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