i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
