I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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