I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
