Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
