Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
