Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
