so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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