Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
