So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
