that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
false alarm, still single
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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