it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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