You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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