Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
