she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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