Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
