if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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