you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
