My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
