dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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