if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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