Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
