So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
