My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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