this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
