we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
