Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
