apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
