FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
