If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
