how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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