When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
