u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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